The Love God
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“Gods should be exempt from human passions.”-Euripides, “The Bacchae”***Eros arrived. He could already tell he had quite a mess on his hands. There were two of them, a man and a woman, both in love with the other, though neither knew it yet. Eros plucked the string on his bow over and over (an idle gesture that annoyed friends, but helped him concentrate) while the two humans slept and the red numbers of the clock glowed in the dark. Why did he always show up for the hard ones?The pair were having fitful dreams about each other. He pushed the woman’s hair back with the tip of a golden arrow. She wasn’t really pretty, but prettiness was overrated. What could her dreams tell him? “This one is…Mia,” he said. “Hebrew for ‘beloved.’ A graduate student. She’s married, but separated. Her husband moved to the East Coast last year. “They were going to divorce, but now they’re talking about reconciling. She loves him, but doesn’t think he’s really changed and she’s not sure what she wants. Five days ago, she met…”He turned to the man. “…Andrew. Greek, meaning ‘man.’ Some kind of artist, I think, but not very good. He’s been in love with a woman for two years and even bought an engagement ring, but then he lost his nerve. That was four months ago, and now he’s beginning to think they’re not right for each other. “His girlfriend is out of town this week, and a few days ago he went out to a party he’d normally have skipped, not admitting to himself he was hoping to meet a woman. He and Mia hit it off and spent the whole week together, but they didn’t so much as kiss until last night, even though they both knew it was inevitable they’d end up in bed sooner or later. Tomorrow morning they’ll have to deal with what they’ve done.”He straightened up, adjusted his wings, and whistled. “Well, these two are in some serious shit now. Why don’t you all come out and let’s talk about it?”A decision had to be made. It was Eros’ job to make sure that people ended up with the right lovers. But it wasn‘t his job alone; everyone who was interested had a say. Four others came. First was Nu Wa, the ancient Chinese goddess who sculpted the first men and women from clay and taught them to be lovers. She was a marriage goddess, and Eros had never gotten along with her. She called him a bad influence, which was an entirely fair characterization. Erzulie Fréda, a Voodoo spirit and notorious flirt, came next. She wore three weddings rings—one for each of her husbands—and in any love affair she invariably tried to steal the man for herself, although she was easily bored with such efforts. She pretended not to pay attention to Andrew as he slept, which meant she was enamored with him already. It was impossible to predict how this would affect her decision.Ishtar, ancient goddess of fertility and sex, came, taking the form of a beautiful woman with the talons and wings of a bird. She was the only god around whom even Eros felt downright insecure. She shared his tastes for the illicit and the outrageous, but she was dangerous for him too, because she made no secret that she wanted him for herself, and considered it a favor to be repaid every time she sided with him on anything. Just the sight of her gave Eros an erection that amounted to torture, but he never accepted her advances. Ishtar’s love was always fatal, even to other gods. Besides, she reminded him of his mother.Last was Hathor, Egyptian goddess of love and family, appearing as a woman with the head of a calf, a cobra coiled around her brow like a diadem. Eros didn‘t know her very well, but she seemed like a soft-touch, easily swayed by a good argument, but just as easily bullied by a bad one. She was big on family—she was somehow Ra’s mother, daughter, and wife all at the same time, which didn‘t make any damn sense to him—and tended to favor people settling down. This annoyed Eros, though she was such a bleeding heart he had trouble holding anything against her. The five love gods stood around the bed in the dark and untidy apartment while the two humans slept on, unaware that anything remarkable was about to happen. The gods would talk, and then they would vote on what was to be done, and Mia and Andrew would have to live with whatever the consequences were—not that they’d know the difference. Eros cleared his throat and plucked his bowstring again. “All right, here we all are. And here’s these two. What do we all think of them?”Nu Wa shifted her coils on the floor. She had the lower body of a beautiful snake and the upper body of a beautiful woman, which Eros found immensely appealing even if she was boring and bourgeois. “Should these mortals stay with the lovers they’ve had for years and nurture the affairs into marriages that will sustain them for the rest of their lives?” she said.“OR, should they walk away from tired affairs they never really cared about in favor of something invigorating and new with each other?” said Eros. He and Nu Wa glared at each other from opposite sides of the bed. No sense pretending to be civil: The battle lines were already drawn.“Your friend the Wine God had a hand in this,” Ishtar said, picking up an empty bottle from the dresser. “I still think about him whenever I see new grapes on the vine, too green to be plucked. Do you think he still thinks about me?” Her smile made Eros tense. He already knew she agreed with him, but she might pretend to side with Nu Wa to coerce him into something, and that would mean no end of trouble. But instead she said, “These two have already fucked, so what’s the point of debating it? They’re never going to forget about each other now. What’s done is done: You can’t put rain back in the sky.”“But if you wait long enough, it goes back on its own,” said Hathor. She looked at Nu Wa in a way that seemed deferential, and Eros knew he’d lost her before this even started. “They’ve still only known each other a little while. In time, this will seem a fleeting thing. But if they choose one another they’ll break two other hearts, and then their own. Broken hearts last longer than fleeting regrets.”“There are worse things to break than a heart,” Eros said. “If these two forget each other, they’ll regret it. But all right, you two think they should play it safe, and Ish and I think they shouldn’t. That means…”They realized Erzulie was the only one who hadn’t Ankara escort spoken, and each of them groaned. There was an unspoken rule never to let her get into the position of tiebreaker, or else she would milk it all night. She sat with Andrew’s head pillowed in her lap, stroking his hair and making cooing noises. “Have you ever seen anything like him? Such scrumptious dreams,” she said, sighing. “He’s sensitive: the heart of a poet. He’s going to feel so tragically guilty about all of this in the morning. Do you think either of his women are good enough for him, really?”Ishtar rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should be finding someone else for him,” Erzulie said. “Someone as beautiful and noble as he is. I’ll look after him in the meantime. I‘m sure that with a little of the right attention—”Ishtar jumped in. “If she’s going to do this all night then I’ll switch sides just to shut her up.” Erzulie’s eyes lit up and soon all of the gods were shouting (except for Hathor, who quietly pleaded for order). Eros pinched his brow. Sometimes he hated this job. Things had been so much easier in the old days. Stupid melting pot.Eventually, he and Nu Wa managed to get the meeting back in hand between the two of them, though in the meantime Erzulie had suggested three different curses she planned to lay on Ishtar the next time her back was turned, and Nu Wa had accused Eros of “wearing a green hat.“ (She obviously meant this as an insult, but evidently it lost something in the translation.) The argument had at least gotten Erzulie off the stage. She’d still be the tiebreaker, and it was still anyone’s guess which way she‘d jump, but at least she wouldn‘t go on all night. Nu Wa settled her coils on the floor again. “We’ve talked long enough. We all have other work to do. Are we at a decision?” “I sure am,” said Eros. “Me too,” said Ishtar, already bored. Hathor nodded. Erzulie pouted. In a minute they’d vote, and whichever way it went would change a handful of human lives forever. Eros looked at the couple, still fast asleep in each other‘s arms. Well kids, I’ll give it my best shot, he thought. Although to be honest, my best shot isn’t what it used to be.***Sunlight woke Andrew, and when he rolled over Charlotte threw an arm across his naked chest and curled up against his side. It was a good morning for sleeping in. A good morning for—Wait. That wasn’t Charlotte. Charlotte was still at that conference in Nevada. And this didn’t look like her place. Or his. That meant…“Oh shit.”Mia stirred but didn’t wake. That’s right, they’d stopped for a drink at that new wine bar downtown. They had such a good time they‘d gone in together on a bottle, and then she invited him back to help her drink it. And then…“Oh shit,” he said again. He looked at Mir again. In her sleep, she had hugged the covers around herself, like a puffy cocoon, but one round shoulder was still visible. Her complexion was so pale that her white skin seemed luminous. Last night, in the near-dark, she’d practically glowed. Now the morning sun painted her gold, and his cock stirred to attention for, but he shut that valve as tightly as he could. He was already in enough trouble.Andrew got up and found his pants. He discovered he’d turned his phone off at some point, which would look suspicious if Charlotte had tried to call him. He held his breath, expecting a barrage of late night texts and voicemails, but there was nothing. That was a relief, at least. But today was Wednesday, which meant Charlotte’s flight was due back this afternoon. (It also meant he’d slept through his first two classes, but that seemed such a petty problem that it barely counted.) How was he ever going to look her in the face? How was he even going to look at himself in the mirror? Wait a minute, the mirror…He ran to the mirror on the closet door, checking himself front and back. All clear: No bites, no scratches, no hickies. Thank God. Then he spotted Mia’s eyes peeping over the covers. She must have seen his routine. He expected her to laugh at him, but she didn’t. He crossed his arms over his naked chest. She flopped over on the bed. “Well,” she said. “It really happened.”“Yeah.”She got up and pressed herself against him. It was an odd feeling, sharing a shame only they two had. It made him feel even closer to her, which of course didn’t help anything one damn bit. “I actually don’t feel that guilty,” she said. “Is that awful?”“No. I mean, why should you feel bad? You didn’t cheat on anybody.”“Ian.”“You’re not really together. Doesn’t count.”“Hey! Who are you to tell me my infidelity doesn’t count?” She punched him in the arm. “I’ll feel bad if I want to.”“Except you don’t.”“But I could. Just as bad as you.”“Okay.” A pause. “She’s coming back today.”“I remember.”“So…”She shushed him. “I won’t get in the way. You won‘t hear from me.”“It’s not like that.”“Yes it is. And that’s fine. I knew what I was getting into.”“We can still be friends.” She gave him a look that said, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn’t fooling anyone, then kissed him on the cheek. After a second, she kissed him again, on the lips. A few seconds later they were still kissing and then, haltingly, stumbling back to the bed, slowed by the increasingly frantic touches of each other’s lips. They landed in a heap and curled around each other. She was still naked; he had only his pants on, which they lost in a hurry. The morning sun had heated the sheets to a crisp, inviting coziness. This is a terrible idea, Andrew thought. Last night was bad enough, but now we’re not even drunk. Charlotte’s plane touches down in five hours. I’m late for everything, and if we don’t stop now—Mia broke off. “Do you want to stop?”“God no.”“Me neither.”They dove back into each other. This is wrong, Andrew thought. This is really, really wrong. But I don’t care.Andrew pressed Mia’s wrists into the headboard while she squirmed, then buried his face against her neck, kissing and nibbling until she squealed to stop, stop, stop. He kissed her, then retreated, kissed her again and retreated again, making her strain after him until finally giving in and laying a long, slow kiss on her, with the tip of his tongue tickling hers. Even first thing in the morning she smelled and tasted clean and natural. Charlotte always smelled like one thing or another: Ankara escort bayan perfumes, soaps, incense. Mia smelled like Mia. Her skin was hot under his lips. She rolled him over and climbed on top, using the headboard for leverage to keep him down. He rolled her tiny breasts against his palms, the memory of doing the same thing last night bobbing to the surface. Harder, she’d told him then, so he did it harder now. He was afraid her pale skin would bruise, but she turned out to be more resilient than he’d have guessed. (Or maybe I’m just not that strong he thought, suddenly sheepish.) Her dark nipples stood out. She raked her nails down his chest but was juuust careful enough not to leave any telltale marks. Her ass ground in a circle on his lap while his erection throbbed. Life would be easier if we just let downstairs make all the decisions, he thought: no guilt, no regret, no hesitation.“Slowly, slowly, slowly,” she told him, although she was the one deciding how fast they went, lowering herself down on him a little bit a time. She was amazingly wet. The cool, cloying sensation made the tip of him tingle as they slid together. When she was all the way down she squeezed him between her legs, trying to keep him perfectly still while she moved, first around and around, then up and down, bouncing once or twice to get a feel for it. She was tighter and smoother than he was used to. She rode him with her eyes closed and mouth parted in an O, talking in such a low voice that it sounded like a hum without words. Andrew’s fingers bunched the sheets into knots. Behind her eyelids, Mia’s eyes rolled back. The air trapped between them caught fire. “From behind,” Mia said, turning and gripping the foot of the bed. Andrew rose (somewhat clumsily) to his knees, grabbing her ass and pushing against it, letting the length of him slide between her cheeks before going lower and pushing in again. She buried her face in the mattress. Andrew’s eyes and fingertips took in her curves and lines, trying to memorize every inch.This is it, he thought. There won’t ever be another time. I have to remember everything now. Even with that in mind he still couldn’t quite put everything he had into it. Guilt, and an irrational sense of being exposed, made him hold back. She responded by grinding into him harder. “More,” she said.He reached under, groping her breasts again. Perspiration glistened on her back, like diamonds against her skin. The rush of blood in his ears shut out every other sound (including, mercifully, his own thoughts). Mia was gushing wetter around him and the sensation triggered a surge at the base of his cock that swiftly ran up the length and then spilled over, onto and into her. The strangled elation of the moment grabbed hold of him and didn’t let go until both of them fell over, burying themselves in the bedding so that it muffled their cries. He reminded himself to breathe, as normal life and normal thinking swam back into focus. We really should not have done that, he thought. And then: But I’d do it again. Their fingers laced together. The pulse in her wrist was still going. He felt his heart break, but he stamped it down. None of that, he told himself. This is hard enough as it is. ***Eros was unhappy. This wasn’t like him. Disappointments, when they came, were always fleeting things, and then he was on to the next prospect. It wasn’t in his nature to dwell, but this latest bit of business came with a particular sting. It was Thursday night, and he fluttered around eavesdropping on Andrew with Charlotte, the woman who, thanks to Nu Wa, would soon be Andrew’s wife. (He still hadn’t given her the ring, but he would eventually.) They were having a romantic dinner for two at her place (sushi from Tekka) while she alternated between news about her business trip and assuring him how glad she was to be back with him. “I think we have a future in that market, I really do,” she said. “Uh huh,” said Andrew.“Tim still isn’t convinced, but you know how he is: scared of his own shadow half the time.”“Uh huh.”“But he’ll come around. Growth attracts growth, am I right?”Eros looked into her dreams. Charlotte: French for “woman.” Older than Andrew by four years. They met at the wedding of a mutual friend Andrew barely knew, seated together because he’d arrived without a date and her own had cancelled (appendicitis). At the reception, after too many drinks, she’d taken him to the gazebo for a little hot and heavy time, and from then on they were an item. She liked his photography aspirations (even though he wasn’t very good). A boyfriend who was some kind of artist made her feel more interesting. And he was low maintenance, there when she needed but easy to do without when she needed time to herself and her career (social media for commercial real estate companies). She was happy. Andrew was happy (or at least, happy enough). Everyone was happy, except for Eros. It made him miserable.“What about you?” Charlotte said, “what did you do while I was gone?”Andrew didn’t even flinch. “The usual stuff: class, work, shot a little. Mostly just hung out.” Inside, tiny barbs of guilt stabbed him over and over, but he ignored them.“Poor thing: You must have been lonely.” She fed him slices of sashimi with her fingers. She was a soft, curvy woman, someone who enjoyed soft and pampering things. Andrew could be one of those things: An accommodating accoutrement to make life better. It would be an easy love for them both. They’d never fight, rarely disagree, and always say flighty, pleasant things to each other. They’d stay as happy as they are now, Eros was sure. But they’d never be anything more.Andrew would go his whole life letting someone else take the lead for him. Charlotte would think about herself more and more, because no one would be around to challenge her. In a few years Andrew’s one and only infidelity would become a faded memory of a person he no longer recognized as himself, and that would be that.The two finished the sushi and started to get cozy. Eros left. On the other side of the city, Mia was alone at a table in the library, face lit by the white-gray wash of a computer. The screen was full of numbers and letters—chemistry, Eros thought, although he wasn’t sure. He studied chemistry of a different sort. Escort Ankara Now and then she’d click over to another window, where she exchanged messages with her husband, Ian, in short, tentative phrases that were laden with vulnerability. Ian: Gaelic for “gift.” They’d met as teenagers but became lovers later, mostly to satisfy their sense of curiosity about each other. The marriage had been an impulse, and fallen apart when she learned he was having affairs, which she took as permission to have some of her own. They soon blamed each other for their mutual unhappiness and parted.Ian hadn’t changed—in fact, half the reason he was trying to renew things with Mia was for an excuse to leave the woman in Boston he was sleeping with now. In a week or two, Eros was sure he’d propose coming back to California, Mia would accept, they’d make a big show of reconciliation and be happy for a few months, and then go right back to two-timing each other. But they wouldn’t bother separating again, instead just going back and forth between betrayals and reconciliations for years, and then for decades. In their way, they’d still love each other, and maybe even feel closer for all the hurt they caused, because they’d understand one another in a way no one else could. But they’d never learn anything. Mia would care less and less about herself and more and more about her work, using her oddball marriage as a crutch to pretend she wasn’t neglecting that part of her life. Ian would chase progressively younger women, and get into more and more trouble because nobody would respect him enough to intervene. Eventually Mia would forget about that one, shy guy she met years ago, who had briefly made her want real affection again but whom she’d never called because she didn’t want to hurt him with all her baggage…“Unless you call him now,” Eros whispered in her ear. “Right now. If you call, he’ll answer. He’s not brave enough to call on his own, but if you call first he’ll definitely pick up.”Mia’s hand drifted toward her phone, but stopped. Eros, arrow in hand, whispered in her other ear.“There’s no harm in a friendly call. Say you’re just checking up on him. Ask if he wants to have coffee on Friday. Tell him to tell Charlotte he’ll be home a little late because he’s meeting a friend, and that way he won’t feel like he’s keeping secrets from her. Come on, you want to do it. If you don’t call then you’ll just keep thinking about him…”Mia left the library, dialing the number before she was even fully out the door. The night fog had rolled in. She got an answer after two and a half rings. “It’s me,” she said. “Is it okay to talk now? Good. I just wanted to check on you. I was worried about, you know. Everything’s fine? Good, that’s good. How is…? Good. Look, I…”“’I have a little extra time after class tomorrow,’” Eros said in her ear.“I have a little extra time after class tomorrow. Do you want to get coffee? Just to talk. Charlotte? Well, tell her you’ll be late because you’re meeting a friend. That way it’s not sneaking around. Yeah, sounds good. Six o’clock? See you then.”She hung up. Eros slung his bow over his shoulder. He shouldn’t be doing this, of course. The assembled gods had rendered their judgment, and he lost. He should move on to other things. But Nu Wa and the others were all busy elsewhere, and not likely to notice him doubling back. Humans cheat all the time, Eros reasoned. Why should they get to have all the fun?***The café was one Andrew had never been to, a combination wine bar and coffee house, which didn‘t really make sense to him. Mia sat at the table nearest the door, the first thing he saw when he came in. When she stood up he had a dilemma: What was the proper greeting? Hug? Handshake? Vague wave? She settled it by giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek. He ordered a latte. He actually hated coffee, but felt like he should order something. Mia was drinking tea and he immediately wished he’d thought of that. At first neither of them knew what to say. She broke the ice with: “I’ve missed you. I know it’s only been two days. Is that weird?”“No. I mean, probably. But I missed you too.”“So we’re weird, then.”“Yes.”“How is…I already asked that, you said she’s fine. If you’re going to ask about Ian, he’s fine too.”“I wasn’t really going to ask.”“That’s okay, he’s not really fine.”Andrew held his drink with both hands, feeling the heat on his palms. “I’m glad you called,” he said. “But I’m not sure what we’re doing.”“Can we be friends? I know there’s a whole thing, but can we ignore that?”“I guess, yeah. I mean, don’t really have a lot of friends. I have a relationship, and that’s about it.”“I don’t even have that.”“Friends is not really what you want, is it?”“No, but I’ll take it. I don’t want to cause trouble. I was going to butt out of your life completely after this week, but…I don’t know. Something made me change my mind.”“I tried to get you off my mind but I couldn’t.”“Maybe it’s just not meant to be?”“Or not not meant to be. How do we decide?”“First we have to be less ambiguous.”“Ambiguity is our friend right now. If things got more definite, I’d have to leave.”At the next table, the server opened a wine bottle with a distinct POP. They both jumped a little.“Good point,” said Mia. “Forget specifics. In fact, forget that we’re even here. Or that we know each other? Who are you, strange man sitting at my table?”“I forget. Names are too specific anyway.Unseen, Eros sat the next table, fiddling with his bowstring. He couldn’t help but smile. Their little human idiosyncrasies were stupid, but he enjoyed them anyway. He was a sucker like that. Neither of them believed this “just friends” business for a second, but since when was it a crime to lie to yourself? He could just keep arranging innocent get togethers for the two of them, and sooner or later, of their own accord—“EROS!”He jumped. His bowstring snapped. “Shit,” he said. It took him a moment to recognize the woman shouting at him: Hathor. Today she looked like a normal woman, sans calf head. It was a good look for her, although he’d have preferred to see it without the expression of scandalized fury. She practically hauled him up by his ear.“So this is where you’ve been. Why are you meddling with these two?”“Meddling is my job.”“But you know the rules.”He shrugged out of her grip, sat down again, and began restringing his bow. “Hell with rules. Democracy is a pain in the ass. Who came up with that, anyway?”“The Greeks.”“Still a pain in the ass. Are you going to rat me out?” Hathor opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, then closed it again. Eros flexed his wings.
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